So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
