there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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