I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We are two peas in an std pod
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
