rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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