but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
