Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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