Need sex. Gaining weight.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
