I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
