and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
