PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
