I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize