I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
