She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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