I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize