12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
