Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
