Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
