take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
