why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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