Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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