margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
