i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize