I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
