My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Randomize
