I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
