please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The Olympian is in my bed
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
