I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
