I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
