He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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