We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
