If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
