Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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