It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
