proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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