so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
