He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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