yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Randomize
