If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
