my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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