So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize