last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize