I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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