I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
