I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
