have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
