i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
