that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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