Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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