We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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