my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
