why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
