i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
