...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
