There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize