You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
