Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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