I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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