So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
