I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
