I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
