I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
