u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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