I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize