I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
