Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
