Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I need water and some morals
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
