Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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