The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
