I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
