I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You pole danced in your parka.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize