You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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