i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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