somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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