Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
