Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
