and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
