Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
