going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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