U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize