Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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