What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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